


Jari's Longing

by Death and the Healing (SwampWitch)



Category: Wintersun (Band)
Genre: M/M, RPF, Real people, real person fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-07-29 03:58:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16256201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwampWitch/pseuds/Death%20and%20the%20Healing
Summary: Jari could not remember a single time that he had not wanted to take Teemu into his arms and kiss the breath out of him.





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> First work in the fandom

            Dark and silken hair cascaded down Teemu’s face as he sat, hunched down in his seat over a jacket he was using as a pillow. They had all wondered at one time or another how the young man managed to be able to sleep anywhere.

            Jari stepped closer to Teemu’s preferred seat near the back of the bus, where he was met with the soft little noises that Teemu often murmured in his sleep. Jari found it rather endearing, actually. Sometimes, after a particularly long day or a good show, Teemu would shift in his sleep and groan as he moved. Jari’s mind would always slip when he heard it, and he would wonder how Teemu would sound in bed- with his intense focus solely in Jari.

           < _Stop it._ >

            Jari shook his head. He had long since given up on being able to stop his thoughts when ventured to his younger bandmate, something Asim and Jukka liked to torment him for without mercy. At least they could accept who he was. But Teemu could never know. He was soft, and beautiful, and Jari did not think he could survive it if he had to tell Teemu about the depths of his feelings.

            Jari had learned a long time ago not to get his hopes up. Especially with a fellow bandmate. Especially with a _talented_ fellow bandmate without whom there would be no band. Oh yes, Jari had learned.

            He had not; however, learned to keep himself from breaking his own heart. Teemu was a good man, with a gentle soul, and a beautiful smile. He added a light and a wholesome energy to the band. Everyone was always happy around Teemu. They had all become friends quickly, even after Teemu’s conscription, when he had come back just a little bit sharper edged, a little bit darker, but with renewed passion for life and for his freedom to enjoy it.

            Increasingly Jari spent more and more time with Teemu. Even when they were not working, or touring, sometimes Teemu would just show up, and they would sit in the edge of the bed and jam. Jukka’s eyes had nearly bugged out when Teemu revealed that. Apparently, this was a privilege reserved exclusively for Teemu. Jari tended to not allow anyone into his workspace.  

            It was easy to see that Teemu admired Jari, and they all loved Teemu. Although no one loved him quite like Jari.

            Jari stood, silently watching Teemu sleep, enjoying the quiet moment with no one around to see him watching the younger man. Everyone had long since gone to dinner. Jari and Teemu were alone.

            Jari’s mind was filled with visions of deep, dark brown eyes that looked like gold in the sunlight, and dark hair that he desperately wanted to run his fingers through.

            Teemu smiled in his sleep, and mumbled something Jari could not quite hear. Jari stepped closer. Always closer. Jari gravitated to him on stage, too. Teemu was a force of nature too powerful to ignore.

            Now, barely arms reach away, Jari leaned to tap Teemu awake, though he hated to take the peaceful look off of the younger man’s face.

            “Mmmm… _Jari_.”

            Jari froze. There was absolutely no doubt in his mind that Teemu was still sleeping. Jari’s mind was reeling. Teemu, _his_ Teemu, still asleep, but moaning out a name. Jari’s name.

            < _Could it be another Jari? Jari is not a girl name, and Teemu has always liked girls. Can I hope that it is me he is dreaming of?_ >

            Very gently, Jari reached his hand out to Teemu, and set it on the sleeping man’s shoulder. “Teemu?” He asked, softly.

           

           


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the section in the beginning where is says --added-- is a scene that was somehow eaten by the server. it should have been there all along, and I am SHOOK that i posted it without it there :( :(

\--------------------------added--------------------

              Teemu was having one of the most pleasant dreams that he could remember. In the back of his mind, he _knew_ it was a dream, but this was the only was that he could have Jari, so he let himself fall into the dream.

            “ _Teemu?_ ” Dream- Jari lay entwined with Teemu’s own body with not so much as a bedsheet to separate them. Teemu stretched his body to flex his sleep- stiffened muscles, and to feel as much of Jari’s skin against his own as was possible.

            “ _Mmmm…_ Jari.”

            Dream-Jari ran the tip of his finger down Teemu’s nose, and lightly tapped the end of it. “ _I love you, kulta, but you must leave me now.”_

            Teemu looked at his lover, and something in those ice- blue eyes stirred his soul. This was the man Teemu had dedicated his entire being to long ago. Dream- Jari rested his hand on Teemu’s shoulder

            “ _Teemu?”_

\------------------------added-----------------

            “Mmmm… _Jari?_ ” Teemu was all but whispering in the same sleep- rough tone that burned something inside Jari. Teemu’s eyes fluttered open.

            He took in the sight of Jari, real Jari, the hand on his shoulder, and Jari’s wide- eyed look of shock, complete with mouth agape.

            Teemu launched himself up from his seat and onto the table against the window. He needed as much space as he could possibly have from Jari in this moment.

            Jari’s hands flew up, “Easy Teemu! I didn’t mean to startle you.”

            Teemu’s breath was ragged and he was very nearly collapsing with panic. The secret he had kept for years was about to destroy him. Destroy the band. Destroy _Jari_.

            “Jari, I…” Teemu stopped. What could he say? How much did Jari know? Teemu knew that he had a tendency to talk in his sleep, and sometimes he had moaned out Jari’s name. Jukka had always woken him up, telling him that hearing his best friend’s name called out like that in the back of a dark bus at night was doing things to him that he didn’t want to think about. Especially on a busy tour when they didn’t get very much _alone_ time.

            Jari stepped as close to Teemu as the space allowed him, and reached a hand out. “Come down from there, come talk with me.” Jari was being gentle, as one would with a frightened animal.

            Teemu was wary, and still on edge. Nevertheless, he took Jari’s hand and stepped down into the middle of the bus.

            Jari looked down into Teemu’s worried and scared face. He resisted the urge to run his fingertips down Teemu’s face to calm him.

            “I had wanted to wake you for dinner, everyone else went ahead.”

            “Oh, yes. Dinner sounds amazing right now.” Teemu hedged, still unsure.

            “Teemu- you called out my name in your sleep. Rather passionately.”

            Teemu immediately began leaning away from Jari, ready to bolt. As if he sensed this, Jari carefully put his hand on Teemu’s elbow. “Teemu, talk to me, _please._ ” Jari’s voice was wrought with emotion.

            Teemu was terrified. Jari sounded upset, and Jari was not the type of man who allowed himself to be upset. Anger, Teemu could handle. Disappointment, disgust even- he could handle. But Jari sounded as though it had entirely ruined how he looked at Teemu to know that the younger man dreamt of him in a way that had him moaning out Jari’s name.

            Teemu squared his shoulders, and summoned all the courage he had, and looked up at the tall blond.

            “Maybe this will destroy me. Maybe this will destroy the tour. Destroy the band. But I cannot live knowing I never told you. I cannot face you every day when I want you and I cannot have you.”

            Jari took a sharp breath, his eyebrows pushing into his hairline. “Want me, Teemu?” Jari could scarcely believe what he was hearing. This could not be happening to him. Jari was never given anything he wanted for himself without a fight.

            Teemu was shaking with nerves. This was going to be the end of everything to him. This band had been his entire life for more than a decade. He had no idea if he could even live without being able to see Jari.

            “Yes, Jari. _Want_ you. In every way.” Teemu’s voice grew hoarse, and choked as he forced out his words, tears threatening to spill down his face. “I am happy to be your friend, your guitarist, your bandmate. But I _need_ more. I want to be everything to you. Anything that you could give me, I want. I want to be the one who puts a smile on your face when you look at your phone. I want to be the one to touch your face while you sleep beside me. I want to be the one you hold at night. But all I can offer in return is who I am as a person, and I know better than to think that I am enough.”

            The tears he held back now ran freely down Teemu’s face. He turned and grabbed his duffel from under the seat.

            “I will go, but I will come back in the morning for my gear. I’ll call Jukka so he can let me in. You won’t even have to see me. If you take on Asim’s parts, he can take mine until the tour is finished.” Teemu’s heart was aching, his mind reeling. Nothing felt real and his tongue was numb in his mouth. It seemed as if his soul was on fire. Making a move to step past the man who had consumed every part of his being, Teemu felt Jari’s hands on his shoulders.

            “Oh, _Teemu_.”

            Teemu looked up into Jari’s eyes- they were a beautiful shade of jade green. How had he never noticed? He had always thought they were pale blue. They were also red, and filled with tears.

            “Teemu, _please_ , do not leave me.” Jari’s eyes were desperate, and he looked broken, as though letting go of Teemu would have him falling apart.

            Teemu was overwhelmed with confusion. He had just annihilated any chance of maintaining a friendship with Jari, let alone a normal band dynamic.

            Jari slid a hand under Teemu’s chin and gently tilted his face upward. Too fast for Teemu to react, Jari closed the distance and kissed Teemu softly and intimately.

            Teemu’s head was spinning. He immediately wrapped his arms around Jari’s lithe body and deepened the kiss. His hands slid down Jari’s back, stopping at his hips. He pulled himself flush against the blond. Close enough to feel a pressure against his thigh where he was toughing Jari’s body.

            Jari slipped one hand behind Teemu’s head, gently threading his fingers through the soft hair, the other hand cupping the bottom of Teemu’s ass.

            Gently breaking apart, Teemu never opened his eyes. He was too afraid that if he looked at Jari he would wake up from what must still be a dream.

            Jari softly kissed down Teemu’s throat, reaching his collarbone and pausing when Teemu softly moaned out his name.

            “Jari… _Jari_.” Teemu’s voice sounded more wonton and much deeper than Jari had ever heard, and he loved it.

            Too wrapped up in each other, neither man noticed the sound of the door, or the slight dip when Jukka stepped up into the bus.

            “Mmmm. Teemu I think that I could thrive solely on the sound of you calling out my name.”

            “ **Well**.” Jukka called out, shocking them apart. “I think that it is about time.” There was laughter in his voice, and a smile on his face.

             Teemu and Jari glanced at each other, completely un-entwining themselves. Each one started to stutter an excuse when Jukka simply waved them off.

             “Ah. Asim owes me 20 euros.” Jukka laughed then, “Come on, time to eat. Dinner, that it.” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

             Teemu felt his face heat. Once Jukka had clambered off the bus, he turned to Jari.

             “Let’s catch up with the others?”

             “Do you still want to leave?” Jari worried.

             “Jari since the day that I met you I have wanted to be wherever you are.” Teemu gave him one of his beautiful and mischievous smiles.

              Jari leaned in and kissed him again. “Then everything else can wait, kulta.”


End file.
